Self Care for the Bereaved
By Maureen Kramlinger

Physical Care
Nutrition

• Eat healthy foods: bread and whole grains, vegetables & and fruit, meat, milk and dairy products. Avoid junk foods.
• Drink plenty of fluids: water and juices—8 glasses a day for hydration and eliminating wastes.
• Avoid alcohol and caffeine. They can cause dehydration, headaches, and low back pain. Alcohol steals vitamins, decreases circulation, can cause heart fluttering and can act as a depressant.

Exercise

• Can help clear your mind and improve concentration.
• Generates a feeling of accomplishment and control.
• Releases chemicals to promote a sense of well-being.
• Increases energy and enhances the body's ability to fight disease.
• Strengthens the heart muscle and improves flexibility.
• Helps control weight and improves muscle tone and appearance, which helps to improve self image.
• Promotes better sleep at night, as muscles relax after exercise.
• Reorganizes and redirects static energy to help you feel more calm.

Exercise works best when done out of doors, and early in the evening, if possible.

Sleep and Rest

• Avoid caffeine, heavy foods and major mental or physical tasks before bedtime.
• Avoid violent TV programs late at night.
• Avoid over-use of habit-forming tranquilizers and barbiturates.
• Relax before bed by taking a bubble bath.
• Encourage your mind to let go of your day.
• Practice relaxation by tensing/releasing muscles from toes upward to the top of your head.
• Listen to a meditation, relaxation or guided imagery tape.

Mental Care

• Affirm to yourself that you are OK—hurting, but OK. Loss is the problem, not you!
• Notice what's on your mind, on the surface. Then notice what surfaces next.
• Keep a notebook to release thoughts that weigh on you.
• Put things like keys and paperwork in the same place so you can find them.
• Make lists of things to do.
• Lower your expectations about how much you can do and how soon.
• Expect that you will not be able to concentrate, make decisions and/or remember things as well as usual.

Emotional Care

• Write e-mails, letters and poetry. Write in a journal. Record your feelings on tape.
• Talk with others about how you feel to help release bottled-up feelings and tension. Join a bereavement support group.
• Laugh. Grief is serious, but not always solemn. Laughter discharges grief energy.
• Read books, articles and poetry written by others who know about loss.
• Phone a compassionate, supportive, cheerful friend.

Spiritual Care

• Admit when you need help and accept help. You need to do this yourself, but not do it alone.
• Share your spiritual questions and concerns with another who will understand and accept you.